Not so secret

OK, so I just figured out that even though you need to sign in to see the blog, if you already had the blog on a reader, all the posts are still visible. So this whole cloak and dagger stuff isn’t necessary if you have access to a reader.

Turns out my ninja skills pretty much suck.

Private posts are still private on the reader though. So I can continue to make all really specific information private and leave the posts about Mat’s poop habits open for all to see because everyone needs to know about Mat’s poop habits. Now the only catch with making the private posts private is that readers will have to sign in twice; once to see the blog itself and once to see the post. I don’t think anyone would really mind doing all that so be prepared that is what start happening.

Conspiracy Theory – Peeping Toms

So since I started this whole register before reading the blog thing, I have had five people who I have never ever heard of try and register to access the blog.

That’s weird, right?

Or is it just me?

I think it is kind of weird. Part of me is wondering if the insurance company has been trying to access the blog. I am not sure if this whole switch to having an attorney help me out has put me on some sort of a hit list. I was warned that might happen.  That’s why I put the blog on lock down in the first place.

I just wasn’t expecting it to happen this fast. I figured it would take at least thirty days for the insurance to take this turn of events seriously and start searching me for whatever dirt they could find.  But this might not be the case.

Or I could be completely off.

Maybe these people have always been reading my blog and this has nothing to do with the insurance company.

But I think it might have to do with the insurance.

Conversations with my mother

Me: *standing in the kitchen, holding up a plastic bag filled with stuff from the bulk store* Mother, what is this?

Mother: Oh, that. It’s syphilis.

Me: *laughing* It’s what?

Mother: It’s syphilis.

Me: It is not. They do not sell syphilis at the bulk food store.

Mother: Yes, they do. That’s where I got it.

Me: Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease that leads to brain infections. If you got that from the bulk store, I would be concerned.

Mother: Stop! It is fiber!

Me: Psyllium! Is it Psyllium fiber!

Mother: YES!!!!

Love Lockdown

If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably noticed that some things have changed with me. From the very beginning, I have tried to stay accessible. I have kept my private life private but have not shied away from putting my thoughts out there. But now my Twitter, Instagram and blog are all private.

Turns out that all this stuff going on with my health and lack of help from the insurance has pushed me to take some serious measures. And because of that, people will be looking to disprove my intentions and health.

So I have decided to lay low for the next little while.

This won’t be forever but for now this is best.

Bathroom Conversations – The Mat Edition

Mat: Mommy! I am done bathing! *Mat jumps out of the shower*

Me: Are you sure?

Mat: Yes. I am clean now.

Me: And you washed all over with soap?

Mat: Yes.

Me: Then why is your face still dry?


*The boys are sitting on the floor playing with Lego and watching TV. There are snacks and drinks on the end table beside them.*

Me: Guys, I have to run upstairs. I will be right back. Is there anything that you need before I go up?

Both boys: …

Me: Guys? Did you hear me? I have to go upstairs and I will be right back. Is there anything you need before I go up?

Both boys: …

Me: GUYS!!!! Did you hear me? I have to go upstairs and I will be right back. Is there anything you need before I go up?

Both boys: Huh? No, we are good.

Me: *Walks upstairs. Walks into the bathroom. Shuts the door. Sits on the potty.*

Maks: MOMMY!!!! Where are you? I need help.

Mat: MOMMY!!!! Where are you? Maks is bothering me.


Me: …


Mat: Mommy! Guess where I am?

Me: You’re in the potty.

Mat: How did you know? Can you smell my poo?

Me: No, Mat. I figured you were in there because the bathroom door was closed and the light was on. I cannot smell your poo from here.

Mat: Oh, OK. Do you want to smell my poo?

Me: …



Me: Where are you?!?!?! What’s wrong?!?!!?!

Mat: I am in the potty. My poo is stuck in my bum and won’t come out. Help me get it out.

Me: When did my life get this glamorous?

What’s for lunch?

Mat: Mommy, what’s for lunch today?

Me: Salami.

Mat: Nnnnnnoooooooooooo!!! I don’t like salami. You always give me salami. I want something different.

Me: Ok, I will give you something different.

*The next day*

Mat: Mommy, what’s for lunch today?

Me: Hot Dogs.

Mat: OK.  Not salmai, right?

Me:  Not salami, just hot dogs.

*Later that day*

Me: Mat, how was your lunch.

Mat: No good. I didn’t eat the hot dogs. I don’t like hot dogs. Tomorrow can I have salami?

Me: …

White bread soaked in goat’s milk

This is absolutely not a recipe post! Most of the time, I avoid most milk products in general. I am not a fan of mammalian lactation of any sort really. I will occasionally have some cheese or yogurt or ice cream but as a general rule, I never drink mammalian milk; hence why my coffee is always black. I have no issues with other people drinking milk but just the idea of it makes me gag and unless it is the milk Hindus use during poojas (the kind that is saturated with strange leaves, honey and butter) I stanchly refuse milk and would never eat bread that has been soaked in it, unless it is bread pudding.

But there is a point to this title. I remember watching a t.v. show once where one of the characters said this. He was under so much stress at work, he developed crazy ulcers and the only thing he was able to eat without his stomach hurting him was white bread soaked in goats milk. At the time, I couldn’t believe stress would hurt your stomach that much; you would not be able to eat food. I believe it now.

I am not at the point yet where I can only eat white bread and goat’s milk but when it comes to my stomach but I am really close. I was telling Millhouse and Beanz yesterday about how my stomach now has this unbalance to it. When it is empty, there is this constant ache with this ever present weird taste in my mouth. And as soon as I eat something (yesterday, it was a baby carrot) the balance goes out of whack. It feels like as soon as the food sinks into my stomach, the bile and other yucky things rises and makes the pain so much worse and the nausea comes back and just sits in my throat. I have started taking antacids right after I eat and throughout the day, to settle my stomach and try to keep the bile from rising and it does work for about 15 minutes but then I am right back to where I started. It even happens with water. It feels like I cannot put anything into my stomach without having it go all out of balance.

It really sucks when I am hungry. I still want and need to eat but most times I am too scared to eat. I am worried that the out of balance stuff will make things hurt. And I am afraid of over filling my stomach. I have discovered that on top of everything else, when I eat the portions that I used to eat, it is too much and I throw up almost an hour after eating. I have given up on regular sized dinner plates, and started eating on saucers because that is the portion size that my stomach can handle. I cannot eat much more than that without throwing up.

And just to mess with me, with all this going on; the throwing up, the small portions, and the mostly not eating; I AM NOT LOSING WEIGHT!!! My weight has stayed the same. You would assume I would be dropping weight big time with all the throwing up and stuff but my stomach is still as puffy and hard as it always was and my weight has remained the exact same since I started this new regime of medicine.

It is really hard for me to say if the medicine is actually helping or not. It feels like my stomach has gotten worse rather than getting better. Before the medicine, the pain was there but this throwing up stuff was not. I am not sure if this imbalance and throwing up is something that will go on after the medicine is over but I have a feeling my stomach will never be the same again.

Expecting to Fail

Maks is in grade three with the same teacher he had in grade one. This has me anxious.

This is the teacher that broke him down big time. She called him lazy, called me into her class weekly to tell me how badly he was doing and that he should drop out of the French program, and towards the end of the year she just stopped teaching him. She would not read with him and did not go over any of his assignments with him. He was basically ignored for the last month of grade one.

It broke his spirit and he thought he was so dumb because that is what she kept telling him.

Last year his teachers helped him. He did phenomenally well and he thrived.

Now he is back with the teacher that doesn’t like him and even worse, won’t give him a chance to prove just how intelligent and imaginative he is. She has him pigeonholed already and I doubt she is going to change her mind.

When I went to see him off this morning, she pulled me aside and told me how surprised she was that Maks was still in the program. She had not expected him to stay past grade one and I should know, up front, that this year is going to be extremely difficult and she has very high expectations for all the students in her class. Maks is expected to do well because she does not want a repeat of grade one.


I let her know about Maks’ outstanding grade two experience and even though she said she was happy to hear how well grade two went, she wanted me to know that she was going to push Maks as hard as she could this year and I was to be prepared for it because grade three would not be as easy as grade two was.

It was ten minutes into the school year and she was already telling me how she was going to put a lot of pressure on my son. She didn’t even give him time to get his pencils out before she had her mind made up about his abilities. It is frustrating.

I want Maks to do well. I want him to know he has it in him to do well. But telling him as soon as she sees him that he will have to work harder than he has ever worked because she only likes having smart children in her class is a bit much.

She is the only grade 3 French immersion teacher in the entire school so I cannot have him change classes. If I had that option, I would have switched him as soon as I saw who his teacher was but I cannot do that. The only other option I have is to have Maks drop out of the French immersion program. I don’t want to do that either because as much as he complains about having to do French work, he was actually improving last year. He understands when people speak to him in French; he is catching up with the others when it comes to reading and writing. He is beginning to get it and I don’t want him to quit just as he is beginning to get it. He has worked so hard and he has earned his knowledge, I don’t want to just throw it all away over a teacher.

I am hoping in my heart of hearts that I am being too judgmental and overreacting over a couple of trivial comments. I want this teacher to give Maks a valid chance so he can prove himself to her. I am hoping she gives him this chance.

Don’t get me wrong, I know the world is full of people that don’t like you and don’t want you to do well. I just wish Maks didn’t have to experience that at 8 years old.

Changing change is hard

Both boys are now officially back in school. Mat is starting Senior Kindergarten and Maks is going into Grade 3.

Throughout the summer Mat just wanted to get back into the routine of school. Two weeks into summer vacation, he asked if he could go back to school because doing summer things was just not fun. He did not enjoy being at home and he wanted to go back to his friends, routine and his class. So when it came time for him to head back to school, I figured that he would be happy.

He wasn’t.

He found out last week his kindergarten class had changed and he would not only be in a new room but also with a new teacher*. He had never heard of his new teacher and was not pleased that his old teacher would not be returning to teach kindergarten.

Once he found out about his new room, it was the end of wanting to go back to school. He kept telling me he didn’t want to go back to school. He wanted to stay home now because he did not want to go to his new class. He cried this morning and refused to get dressed. He just did not want to go to school because it was not what he remembered. He wanted to go back to what he knew.

It didn’t help matters that the process for dropping off kindergarten kids changed today as well. Last year, the kindergarten teachers all lined up in rows in the kindergarten area of the school, and the parents could go line up with the kids behind the teacher until it was time for everyone to go in. This year, the teachers waited for the kids in their classrooms. The kids had to go into the classroom, have their names crossed off the class list and then wait for class to begin. I think this new way of doing things made it easier for the teachers. They didn’t have to wrangle as many kids or risk misplacing a child. But it made things a bit scarier for the kids because the returning ones had no idea what other kids were in their class until they had already walked in and found a seat.

I didn’t know about the new process until we got to the school but having to tell Mat there was another new procedure freaked him out even more. He was so nervous to start with, not knowing what kids were beyond the door, frightened him and he didn’t really speak all morning. But the nerves did not stop him, and he was a big boy about the situation. He found himself a cubby, got his stuff all organized and then (tentatively) walked into the room. He didn’t recognize any of the kids when he went in but he did recognize one of the teachers. She was a substitute from last year and she walked right over to him and started talking to him. He only nodded at her and didn’t say anything but I think having her there helped to get him out of his shell for a bit.

When I left him he was looking for a place to sit with the teacher and I am hoping he starts talking by this afternoon.

*Last year Mat was in a shared JK/SK class and usually in those situations, the kids have the same teacher for their entire kindergarten career. Having the teacher and room change from JK to SK is something new.