Be very, very quietâ€¦â€¦..I am spending the afternoon, observing wild, and exotic creatures. I am in their natural habitat, the urban jungle, and trying to be as discreet as possible. These creatures have many names but I prefer: office dweller, yuppie, cubicle jockey. They can be found in cubicles, by the water cooler, and on the patio having a smoke. My office is full of them and I am working on categorizing them, and possibly tagging them for future study. I have listed my findings, thus far, below. You never know, you may have some of them in your office.
Bobby Brown Noser – Bobby shows up to work early, doesn’t take lunch and stays late. Whether he’s doing it to impress his boss(es) or really has that much work to do, he’s serious about his job. Bobby’s a nice boy, but he doesn’t have too many friends in the office, mostly because he’s working through lunch and working past happy hour. But because of that, he’s a favorite among the higher-ups. Sometimes his business savvy comes off as being a little ruthless because, after all, he is looking out for himself and his career.
Debbie Downer – Oh Debbie. Some thing’s always got her down. One day it’s the weather, the next day it’s her boss or cube-mate. She’s the wrong person to talk to when you’re having a bad day, because she just might make you feel worse. Debbie doesn’t smile much and you sometimes have to wonder how she got hired in the first place. She must be a genius at excel because she certainly wasn’t hired for her positive attitude.
Networking Nancy – Nancy takes networking to another level. Her lunch calendar is booked through September and she likes to spend one-on-one time with everyone in the office. You don’t have to talk much at a lunch with Nancy; she loves to talk, mostly about herself and where she sees herself in 2 years, 5 years or 10 years. She wants you to know where she wants to go, just in case you can help her one day.
Superficial Sally – Sally is not one of your closest friends at work. In fact you don’t really like her and you’re pretty sure she doesn’t like you. Whenever you see her, which is usually in the ladies’ room or on the elevator, she’s sweet as sugar, or tries to be. “How are you, sweetheart?” she asks. “I love your, [long pause] your shoes, so cute,” she comments as you think to yourself, my teeth are starting to rot.
Chatty Cathy – We are all familiar with Chatty Cathy. She loves to talk, even more than Nancy does. A conversation with Cathy usually starts with a simple topic, like what she did over the weekend, but before you know it, she’s gone off on 12 different tangents and you have no idea how you ended up talking about the Mommy & Me class she took with women who get face lifts. Cathy is also the queen of TMI. She tells whoever will listen about the time she had to cut her husbands toenails or how much her son pooped today. The best thing you can do is avoid conversations with Cathy altogether. The second she gets talking, you’re done because Cathy does not follow normal conversation ending etiquette.
Slacker Sara – No one is quite sure what her job is but she never seems to be doing it. She is always on the Internet, or on the phone. Her desk is pristine, and you are not sure if you have ever seen her use a pen. She comes in around 9:30 when the rest of the office comes in at eight, takes 2 hour lunches, and leaves forty five minutes before everybody else.