Category Archives: Beanz

My Ode to Beanz

Beanz asked me awhile ago why it is that I b*tch about everything on my blog but her.  Now I think that I am an equal opportunity complainer and I cover just about everybody on my blog including her.  Heck, I have even complained about people that I have never met but since she asked for it.  Here goes.

 

(Note to Beanz you should be careful what you wish for.)

 

Beanz has a messy room.  And by messy I mean – it can be declared a disaster area.  I don’t think that it has been cleaned in the past 2 years.  My grandma refuses to go in it and my mom can’t snoop because she is afraid of getting bitten by some small creature that has burrowed it’s way under her bed and made a nest.  OK there is nothing really living in her room but that’s cause it can’t.  There’s no room.  But in her defense Beanz has never had a clean room.  She is a pack rat.  She has things from elementary school in her room.  She refuses to throw anything away.  So her room isn’t really messy, it is cluttered.

 

So on Saturday (because I was feeling sisterly and because I was tired of listening to my mother complain about her impeded snooping ability) I went over and helped Beanz clean.  It took about three hours and we even cleaned the light fixtures but the room was transformed.  

 

Today is Wednesday and it is back to the way it was. 

 

I now have one of two options.  I can b*tch at Beanz (whether it be in person or via the internet) to clean up her room.  Or I can let it be. 

 

The first option reminds me too much of my mother.  I am not insane like she is when it comes to having neat rooms.  Really, I could care less.  As long as you can find what you need, you go on with your bad self.  So I have decided that since Beanz is an old lady who is set in her ways, I let her be.    

How tall??

Because I am so bored out of my skull comfortably busy at work I decided to check this out.  It is a height predictor and I am now able to use it to figure out how tall Maks is going to be.  Apparently when your kids turn two you there is some sort of mathematical formula that you can use to figure out their height at 18.  Since I suck at math and I would take a really long time to figure out his height using my brain, I used the internet.  That’s what its there for, right?  All I have to do is plug in the numbers.  Besides, I mean come on I am at work, I can’t be expected to use my brain or anything.  Geez!

 

Now I am short.  I am munchkin kinda short and with my weight I resemble the Pillsbury dough boy only with longer hair.  I was the kid that was always at the front of the line when you lined up for class pictures.  In every single grade I was the shortest kid.  And towards the end of elementary school, I was also the pudgiest.  Oh, and I had no athletic capabilities whatsoever.  That was fun.  Fate loved picking on me for some reason. 

 

But back to the calculator, Millhouse is tall so there is a chance that Millhouse will not be short.  So given that I had all this free time I plugged in all the details and waited to find out what my future looked like.  It turns out that Maks will be between 6 foot 4 and 6 foot 6 when he is 18.

 

Holy Sugar!!!

 

That’s freaking huge!!  I was expecting him to be around 6 feet nothing much taller than that.  But 6 foot 6 inches!!  The kid eats the refrigerator empty now.  What am I going to do when he is 18, 6 feet tall and is starving?  I may have to buy a cow to keep him fed.

 

Yikes!

 

I did Stinky’s too.  She’s gonna be 6 feet.  Haha Beanz she’s going to dwarf you!!

A quick shout out

28 years ago today at some point in the early morning (my mom doesn’t quite remember when) an alien spaceship landed.  The occupants of this spaceship wandered around for a bit, they ate some mangoes, chased some goats, collected some rock specimens and then returned to their UFO and zoomed off into an unknown galaxy far far away.

 

They left no trace of themselves or their visit except for a single coconut.  My mom on her morning walk brought the coconut back to our house and had my dad cut it open.  To everyone’s surprise inside the coconut was this curly hair girl baby.  Not knowing what to do and feeling very sorry for this child who had been abandoned by her alien parents, they adopted her.  They named her Beanz and never told her that she wasn’t of this world.

 

It wasn’t until she grew up that it became obvious to all those that know her that Beanz is definitely from another planet!! 

 

And today is her birthday.

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEANZ!!!! 

 

You rock!! 

And even though I am human and you are alien I still love you and think that you are a pretty awesome sister!!