Category Archives: baby

Story # 1 – The Tale of the Rum Smuggler

Lately the boys have been coming home with some interesting stories from school. And I swear there were these two stories that just left me flabbergasted. I had to ask for clarification halfway through both stories and I even asked them to tell me the stories again after they were done, just to make sure I had heard the right thing the first time around. Turns out the stories were just as crazy the second time around.

Here is one of those stories. This one is from Mats’ class.

During lunch one day, a little girl in Mats’ kindergarten class decided to show everyone what she snuck into school in her lunch bag. Now the school has pretty strict rules on what you can bring in for lunch. It is a combination of the usual things like; no peanuts or other tree nuts because those allergies could lead to some pretty serious reactions, to some pretty nutritionally specific ones like; no candy or chips at all because the kids need to eat healthy. From what Mats’ tells me all the kids in his class are pretty good at making sure their parents only give them the things they are allowed to have but every once in a while someone sneaks in some chips or candy and they cannot resist showing the rest of the class whatever it is they have snuck in. Successfully sneaking in gummy fruit gushers is a pretty big deal in kindergarten. So on this day one of Mats’ classmates was really excited to show the other kids what she smuggled into class because it was way cooler than candy. When they were sure the teachers were otherwise occupied, she pulled out her loot. It was a teeny little bottle of rum. RUM!!! As one little boy pointed out rum is alcohol. And yes, it really was rum as in the alcohol. She had snuck into her parents alcohol stash and swiped a little sample bottle of rum that they had put away. She thought it looked very neat and wanted to show everyone the really cool baby bottle of rum her parents had at home. Now she knew it was wrong to sneak the bottle but she wanted to show it off to her classmates so after her mom has made her lunch and left the room, she went over and swiped it and hid it in her bag. (According to Mats) But the big part of Mats’ story was that she lied to the teachers when they came around and asked about it. She claimed it wasn’t hers and that was what Mats’ was flabbergasted by. She lied after telling everyone about it because she knew she would get in trouble. Now if the little boy who recognized that rum was alcohol, hadn’t made such a big commotion about it being a bottle of rum, the teacher would never had known that some sort of contraband was being passed around the lunch tables. But when the teacher heard the commotion, she came over to investigate and discovered that the hoopla was not over fruit gushers but a bottle of rum. She took it away from the kids and went to make some phone calls. I can only imagine how interesting the call to the parents would have been that day. This child will forever be referred to as the Rum Smuggler.

When Mats’ told me the story, I had to stop him a couple of times to confirm what I was actually hearing because I couldn’t believe that a five year old actually smuggled rum into an elementary school.

I thought that only happened in high school.

Quality conversations

Conversations in my house are strange. They seem to happen in these overlapping waves. I am used to conversations being between two or more people where everyone takes a turn talking and expressing themselves. It used to be like that but lately it seems like our conversations are being spoken over other random conversations with other people all at the same time. Usually the other people talking over the conversations are the boys. It never fails, when Millhouse and I are sitting in the living room; engrossed in our own thing and not speaking at all, no one else speaks. But then we start speaking and the boys decide that is best time for each of them to start speaking at once. It is a strange phenomenon.

Here’s an example of what happens:

We are all in the living room and no one is speaking. Like no one at all. Millhouse is playing clash of clans on his phone, the boys are watching TV and I am reading. It is quiet except for the TV.

Then it happens. Millhouse makes some comment about something, and the rumbling, waves of conversations begin:

Millhouse: Today I heard about this climate change thing on the radio. Did you hear about it?

Me: No, I didn’t hear it. What’s it about?

Millhouse: It is about th…   *Cue Mats and Maks to start babbling about something at the same time*

Mats: Mommy, Ronald made a giant chicken today at school. IT WAS GIANT!!!!

Maks: Mommy, when we were playing tag, Sam ran right into the playground. RIGHT INTO IT!!!

Mats: Mommy, I don’t like salami. I only like crunchy things. Tomorrow just give me salami in my lunch, nothing crunchy.

Maks: Mommy, I have homework but I am not going to do all of it today. I will do some of it today and the rest tomorrow. And then I will study for my test after I do all my homework tomorrow.

And then the conversation between Millhouse and I ends. We are distracted by the giant chicken, asking questions about playground antics and all the other things that the boys have thrown at us in the last twenty seconds. The boys will continue for a little while longer and then they too get quiet. It is like the lay in wait for someone to break the silence and then all the things they have been wanting to say all day comes tumbling out.

I am not sure why information gets passed along like this. I don’t believe in the old school thinking that children should be seen and not heard. I encourage my kids to talk as much as they want. Sometimes they talk for hours on end about everything and anything that crossed their mind and sometimes they just don’t. Like everyone else, they get distracted by other things in their life, like Minecraft and Pokemon, and forget they have things to tell me. They only seem to remember when they hear Millhouse start talking to me and then the waves of conversations start.

I wonder how long this will last?

What happened in between

I haven’t blogged in a really long time. Almost six weeks, which isn’t the longest that I have gone without blogging but it very close. I have been around but blogging has been really low on my list of things to do.

So here is what has happened since I last blogged (in no particular order. This is just as I remember things):

  • Mats won the principals award. He has been doing really well this year. He is now the “big” kid in his class. He has taken on more of a leadership role and his teacher really likes that. She wants him to start practicing for next year now. He knows the curriculum really well and having him review is not helping him anymore. So he needs to start working on the curriculum for next year so he doesn’t get bored. Based on all this, his teacher decided to give him the principal’s award at the last celebration assembly. He was pretty proud of himself, as he should be. He was telling us for about a week before the assembly that he would be getting the award but he didn’t know the exact date of the assembly. It wasn’t until his teacher sent home a note that we knew when it was all going to go down. Since I was back at work, I could not go but Millhouse and Beanz went that morning to see him get his award. He was super excited to see that he had a cheering squad and he held up his award proudly for them to see. That night we had bacon pizza for dinner because how else would you celebrate getting the principals award when you’re five.
  • The NP was on TV. Well, she was on more than TV, she was in the local paper and on TV. Her drum squad was featured for being the youngest group in the province to actually perform and compete for drumming in the province. Which is pretty damn cool. But the fact that she is also the only girl in her squad is also a pretty big deal. She has been drumming for forever now and she holds her own against the boys and now she is being recognized for just how good she is. It is a pretty cool accomplishment she has achieved.
  • Trinidad happened. I LOVED it. It helped heal me. I needed it. LOVED IT.
  • Millhouse discovered a ghetto version of Dave and Busters about two blocks away from the house. It is a small laser tag/mini golf/arcade type place. It doesn’t look like much from the outside and the inside is really small but for what it is, which is a place for the kids to burn off energy, it is really good. It is the type of place where we can take the kids on a Sunday afternoon when they are bored out of their mind and it will keep them busy. They have been a couple times and they seems to really like it. Mats gets really exciting about getting to go there. I think it is because he is finally getting included in some big kid adventures. I thought it was expensive until I found out there was a wagjag deal for it. Now that I have coupons, we will be going there more often. J

Sharing a bed with a five year old

Last night at 3am, while the entire world was fast asleep, I lay in bed half awake. This is nothing new. I have not been sleeping well for months now so being awake at 3am was not as disturbing as it has been. I have starting embracing it. It is usually around 3am when I stop trying to make myself go to sleep so I can be sure I am able to wake up when it is time to wake up. Anyway back to my story, it was 3am and everyone else in the house was asleep. Mats was asleep beside me and for the most part, everything was status quo.

Then Mats changed things up on me.

He kicked off all the covers and stood up on the bed. He looked around and then took a few steps towards me. Then he turned around so he back was facing me and sat down with a plop right on my stomach. All while he was still asleep.

And the very first thing that popped into my head when he did flung his butt onto my stomach was: “AW MAN!!!! This kid thinks he has walked to the bathroom and he is about to pee on me”. This is going to get messy real quick! I wasn’t concerned about the fact that Mats was asleep in a sitting position on my stomach. My concern was what was about to come out of his butt at that very moment.

So I sat up super-fast and pushed Mats off my stomach. I tried to wake him up so he could go back into his spot on the bed but he wasn’t having any of it. He sprawled out across the entire bed and decided he was going to sleep there. I wasn’t having him take over the bed like that, I might not be sleeping but I wasn’t going to give up my warm blankets without a showdown. So I hoisted him back up into his spot, covered him up and lay back down. Then he promptly woke up and asked for chocolate milk.

I told him it was 3am and he was to go back to bed because there was no chocolate milk readily available at this time, so he lay down and fell asleep. And I lay down and went back to thinking about if I should add caramel candies to my coffee in the morning.

For the record, I did not add the caramel candies to my coffee even though I do think that would be a delicious idea.

Mats wants to have a baby

Lately Mats has been expressing his need to procreate. This was something he sort of sprung on me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. We were having our nightly conversation about the state of the world and he told me he is going to have a baby when he is ready. Now given that Mats is FIVE, I didn’t really expect to be having a baby conversation with him this early on but if this is what he wants to talk about, then this is what we are going to talk about. After the first conversation, he has mentioned the baby on and off in passing every now and then, but I pretty much know he has pretty much figured out what he wants to do.

So here is the gist of the conversation.

Mats has decided that when he gets old enough, he wants to have a baby.

He is not too keen on the getting married part and has decided he will go ahead with having the baby but not getting married. He knows people can have babies and not be married and he is cool with that. I did, however, stress to him the importance in making sure whomever he decides to procreate with knows his intention upfront about not getting married. I explained to him that some girls would prefer to be married when they have babies and they could get very angry and upset if they have a baby with someone who did not want to get married. Now at this time, he does not have a specific girl in mind to have the baby with but he is confident this is something he can figure out as the time gets closer.

I also explained to him that he would have to work really hard as a dad. I told him being a dad is more than just playing with a baby and he will have to work harder than he has ever imagined working to take care of his child (and yes, at this time he only wants one baby). He told he knew how hard it was to be a dad; you have to work all day and be really tired when you get home, you never get to watch your own t.v. shows or play your own video games, and you have to buy things all the time for your baby but he is OK with that. He just wants to have someone he can love because he says having someone to love is important.

Now, so far through the conversation, Mats had an answer for every question I posed to him. He had really thought about this and it was obvious. But his last statement threw me for a loop and I wasn’t sure how to explain it to him; he wanted to have the baby. As in he wanted to be the one to carry and birth the baby. This is why he didn’t think the marriage bit was important, he wanted to be the one to do it all. And when I explained to him that boys could not actually carry babies, he got very upset. He thought it was really unfair only girls could have the babies in their tummies. He didn’t understand why a boy who wanted to have a baby could not just get one put in their stomachs like girls did. This put a whole new spin on our conversation and I was stumped as to how to explain why only girls could carry children. Thankfully, he was really tired by this point and I told him we would finish talking about this part later.

So far he has taken me up on that, and I am glad. Cause I still don’t have an answer for him.

Jack Sprat and his brother

Maks is a big kid.

Like a big kid.

He is eight years old and weights 100lbs. He is over five feet tall. He is taller and heavier than just about every other kid in his class. He is bigger and heavier than most of the kids in the grades above him as well. He is routinely getting asked if he is older than ten. Most people just do not believe he is eight by looking at him.

But he is eight.

Mats is a little kid.

Like a little kid.

He is five years old and weighs less than 40lbs. He is just over three feet tall. He is smaller and lighter than just about every other kid in his class. He is lighter and smaller than most of the kids in the grade below him as well. He is routinely getting asked if he is younger than five. Most people just do not believe he is five by looking at him.

But he is five.

Having a really big kid and a really little kid makes things complicated when it comes to food, eating and dinner time. Maks will eat everything that is placed in front of him and then he will go on and eat something else after he has had his meal. He will generally have a pre-dinner snack, followed by dinner followed by an after dinner snack. His eating isn’t just about junk food either, he has no problem finishing off containers full of fruit, smoothies, cereal, or crackers and cheese. He eats continuously throughout the day and he is starting to show just how big he is.

Mats, on the other hand barely eats; he will nibble occasionally but unless he is forced he routinely never finishes his very small meals. Mats refuses to eat anything that is wet, has a sauce, cannot be held or is hot. He needs to eat handheld foods that leave his hands dry and cool. Pasta, soup or rice is not something he eats. In fact, suggesting pasta, soup or rice leads to meltdowns and tears and the occasional throwing up. He also cannot eat large portions of anything. If his dinner is larger than a hotdog, he won’t be able to eat it all. It is as though his stomach just will not allow that much food.

I am the proud parent of Jack Sprat and his little brother. If you don’t know the nursery rhyme; Jack Sprat could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. In between the two of them, they ate the platter clean.

In this case Jack Sprat is Mat and since he does not have a wife, Maks is the partner in crime. Between the two of them, I spend almost $1000 a month on groceries but neither of them has the same dinner. Most nights Maks will get a large plate of food with protein, carbs and a bit of veggies. But Mats will get a considerably smaller plate with a few pieces of protein (if I am lucky), a bit of carbs and loads of vegetables and salad.

It seems so odd to me that either will eat what the other one likes. The both refuse to eat like the other. The doctor assures me that they are both healthy and not to worry about how or what they are eating. He says when it comes to food, as long as they are eating, they are OK but I still wonder if they are getting enough.

For now though, I have the living version of a nursery rhyme at my dinner table.

Truth or Dare

*I overheard this conversation in progress and only joined it at the end. This one did not involve me directly.  This happened as Millhouse was getting Mat ready for bed.*

Mat: Daddy, do you want to play truth or dare?

Millhouse: Sure

Mat: Truth or dare?

Millhouse: Truth!

Mat: Who do you love more; Maks or me?

Millhouse: *the look of pure fear in his eyes* I love you both equally.

Mat: Nope. You need to pick just one.

Millhouse:…

Me: This is why you always pick dare.

Bathroom Conversations – The Mat Edition

Mat: Mommy! I am done bathing! *Mat jumps out of the shower*

Me: Are you sure?

Mat: Yes. I am clean now.

Me: And you washed all over with soap?

Mat: Yes.

Me: Then why is your face still dry?

**

*The boys are sitting on the floor playing with Lego and watching TV. There are snacks and drinks on the end table beside them.*

Me: Guys, I have to run upstairs. I will be right back. Is there anything that you need before I go up?

Both boys: …

Me: Guys? Did you hear me? I have to go upstairs and I will be right back. Is there anything you need before I go up?

Both boys: …

Me: GUYS!!!! Did you hear me? I have to go upstairs and I will be right back. Is there anything you need before I go up?

Both boys: Huh? No, we are good.

Me: *Walks upstairs. Walks into the bathroom. Shuts the door. Sits on the potty.*

Maks: MOMMY!!!! Where are you? I need help.

Mat: MOMMY!!!! Where are you? Maks is bothering me.

Both boys: MOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Me: …

**

Mat: Mommy! Guess where I am?

Me: You’re in the potty.

Mat: How did you know? Can you smell my poo?

Me: No, Mat. I figured you were in there because the bathroom door was closed and the light was on. I cannot smell your poo from here.

Mat: Oh, OK. Do you want to smell my poo?

Me: …

**

Mat: MOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I NEED HELP!!!!!! COME QUICK!!!!!!!

Me: Where are you?!?!?! What’s wrong?!?!!?!

Mat: I am in the potty. My poo is stuck in my bum and won’t come out. Help me get it out.

Me: When did my life get this glamorous?

What’s for lunch?

Mat: Mommy, what’s for lunch today?

Me: Salami.

Mat: Nnnnnnoooooooooooo!!! I don’t like salami. You always give me salami. I want something different.

Me: Ok, I will give you something different.

*The next day*

Mat: Mommy, what’s for lunch today?

Me: Hot Dogs.

Mat: OK.  Not salmai, right?

Me:  Not salami, just hot dogs.

*Later that day*

Me: Mat, how was your lunch.

Mat: No good. I didn’t eat the hot dogs. I don’t like hot dogs. Tomorrow can I have salami?

Me: …

Changing change is hard

Both boys are now officially back in school. Mat is starting Senior Kindergarten and Maks is going into Grade 3.

Throughout the summer Mat just wanted to get back into the routine of school. Two weeks into summer vacation, he asked if he could go back to school because doing summer things was just not fun. He did not enjoy being at home and he wanted to go back to his friends, routine and his class. So when it came time for him to head back to school, I figured that he would be happy.

He wasn’t.

He found out last week his kindergarten class had changed and he would not only be in a new room but also with a new teacher*. He had never heard of his new teacher and was not pleased that his old teacher would not be returning to teach kindergarten.

Once he found out about his new room, it was the end of wanting to go back to school. He kept telling me he didn’t want to go back to school. He wanted to stay home now because he did not want to go to his new class. He cried this morning and refused to get dressed. He just did not want to go to school because it was not what he remembered. He wanted to go back to what he knew.

It didn’t help matters that the process for dropping off kindergarten kids changed today as well. Last year, the kindergarten teachers all lined up in rows in the kindergarten area of the school, and the parents could go line up with the kids behind the teacher until it was time for everyone to go in. This year, the teachers waited for the kids in their classrooms. The kids had to go into the classroom, have their names crossed off the class list and then wait for class to begin. I think this new way of doing things made it easier for the teachers. They didn’t have to wrangle as many kids or risk misplacing a child. But it made things a bit scarier for the kids because the returning ones had no idea what other kids were in their class until they had already walked in and found a seat.

I didn’t know about the new process until we got to the school but having to tell Mat there was another new procedure freaked him out even more. He was so nervous to start with, not knowing what kids were beyond the door, frightened him and he didn’t really speak all morning. But the nerves did not stop him, and he was a big boy about the situation. He found himself a cubby, got his stuff all organized and then (tentatively) walked into the room. He didn’t recognize any of the kids when he went in but he did recognize one of the teachers. She was a substitute from last year and she walked right over to him and started talking to him. He only nodded at her and didn’t say anything but I think having her there helped to get him out of his shell for a bit.

When I left him he was looking for a place to sit with the teacher and I am hoping he starts talking by this afternoon.

*Last year Mat was in a shared JK/SK class and usually in those situations, the kids have the same teacher for their entire kindergarten career. Having the teacher and room change from JK to SK is something new.