Memories
I don’t remember labour.
I remember being in labour. I remember what I was wearing the day I had Maks. I remember going to the hospital and all the events that lead up to Maks’ birth.
But I don’t remember labour. More specifically, I don’t remember what labour felt like. I don’t remember what I felt like in the hours, days, weeks leading up to me being in labour.
And this is distressing.
I am experiencing some serious pains but I don’t know if it is pre-term labour, Braxton Hicks, round ligament pain, or the baby dropping. Over the past week I have called my midwife, telehealth, googled non stop and read everything I could get my hands on and I still don’t know what the hell it is I am feeling.
My midwife keeps telling me that this is normal. I have to rest, take hot baths, take Tylenol and stay hydrated. It will all go away if I do that but it is not. There are days when it hurts so bad I can’t move and then there are days when the pain doesn’t exist. On those days especially I question what the hell is going on. If the pain was consistent then I at least would be able to justify my complaining but it is not. Sometimes it is there all day, sometimes it is when I stand / sit / lay down / walk, sometimes it shows up in the shower and sometimes it’s just not there at all.
I wish I knew what was going on.
I wish I could remember what labour felt like so I would know if this is something I should be worried about or not.