Wishing you all the best for the New Year.  May your 2009 be filled with love, happiness, good health, adventure and lots of chocolate cake. 

And to you sleep deprived mommies out there – may 2009 bring you 8 hours of uninterrupted consecutive sleep every night.        

I got the series for Christmas and I was excited. I heard a lot of good things about the series and I wanted to check it out. I was also a bit apprehensive. I am in my late, late 20’s now and I know that these books are geared towards teenagers. But I convinced myself that because I find Georgia Nicolson hilarious, these books shouldn’t be a problem.

I was wrong.

I am beyond annoyed at this series and here are my reasons why. (I am spelling out my reasons because Millhouse is forever hearing me complain about the series but he doesn’t quite understand my reasoning or my bitching.)

Bella

She is a whiny, submissive, little girl. She is 17 and hopelessly in ‘love’ with Edward. However, she is constantly going on about how good looking he is and how plain she is. So from what I can gather she’s not really in ‘love’ she’s infatuated and possibly obsessed. He’s good looking and she’s attracted to him, that doesn’t mean that you dedicate you immortal life to him. Also, she has no personality. Her personality is Edward. Her life is Edward. If he’s not around she can’t function. Chickie – that is not normal!!!! Exercising some independent thought is a good thing. Rely on your brain and make some of your own decisions based on your own personality. Don’t sit around waiting for him to tell you when and how to live or not live your life. I hate the message that a ‘plain’ girl has to lose herself and dedicate her life to the whims of her good looking boyfriend. Hello Madame Author – how about writing a book where the heroine is strong, confident and capable. These stories of girls that are dependant on their boyfriends irk me beyond belief!!!

Edward

He is 99 years old but he still has no sense. He’s attracted to Bella because she is beautiful and because he can’t read her mind. She is a mystery and that is why he wants her. I find him controlling, manipulative and a smart ass. I really don’t like the way he tries and succeeds at alienating Bella from all the people in her life and making himself the center.

I can’t stand the message that these books are subconsciously sending out, the subordinate position of the girl and the complete dominance of the guy. But there is something in these books that make them impossible to put down. I really wanted to stop reading after Twilight but I didn’t.

Stinky & I went on a mission to the party store last night.  We had to get some supplies for the big shindig that we are having tonight.  Since Stinky is in charge of the decorations we have a pink, sparkly type décor complete with tiaras and a piñata.  (That’ll learn me for letting a six year old princess – aholic pick the theme. ) 

Along with all of our other loot I also picked up a pack of sparklers.  Not sure why, but they were on $1 so I figured what the hay.  As we were cashing out the trainee cashier kept asking her trainer all types of questions.  How do you cash this, are these individually priced or group priced, how much is that?  So I wasn’t paying much attention until she got to the sparklers.  She asked her trainer if she needed to ask me for ID for them.  (Not sure about the US but here you have to be over 18 to buy any fireworks, legally)  Her trainer gave me the once over and said and I quote:  “Look at her.  Obviously she’s over 18.”

Talk about blow to my ego.  In my head I still think I look 18; I guess I just don’t look that way to anyone else.  Or maybe he just needs glasses.  Yeah, that’s it he just needs glasses.

I came up with one more resolution / promise that I am going to make for 2009.  Actually my boss helped me with this one.

No more ‘Jackasses’.

Jackass is a term that has slowly and sneakily worked its way into my vocabulary.  I am not an avid swearer.  I cuss but not a lot and I tend to get all tongue tied when I swear, so it doesn’t have the same effect.  Don’t get me wrong I am not a saint either even though I prefer to say ‘aw, sugar’ and ‘you mother trucker!’ I have been known to drop some pretty imaginative swear words when I get ticked off enough. 

But to me jackass has transitioned itself from a cuss word to an everyday word.  I use it all the time primarily directed to Beanz & Millhouse.  When they are being dim witted, silly, or annoying (pretty much all the time) I call them a jackass.  I have gotten so used to doing it that I don’t even realize that I am doing it anymore.  And that’s the problem.

My boss and I were just talking about some random thing, I think it was auto parts franchises or something and throughout the course of the conversation I said jackass three times!!  Now my boss was in the Navy and he has been known to swear like a sailor so my jackasses didn’t bother him.  But he pointed out that if I was talking to someone else that my use of the word may get me in trouble.

So my next resolution to add to my ever growing list – find a word to replace jackass.

Dear Cancer Stick Suckers

I recognize that you are addicted to the sweet, sweet nectar of nicotine, cyanide, and arsenic. I know that even the thought of wind chills, frostbite and freezing rain will not stop you from venturing outside for a puff. These are your imperatives and if you chose to fill your body will carcinogens, you go right ahead.

But on your way in and out the door for your cig it with be greatly appreciated if you would close the door behind you. I know that in your pre – smoke haste you are in a rush to get outdoors and fill up your lungs and you may not notice the frigid temperatures. And in your post – smoke stupor I know you fail to recognize that it is so cold outside that a penguin would wear a parka. But alas I am not a penguin, but I am in a parka. My seat next to the door guarantees that I will be exposed to the outside temperatures more often than I am exposed to the indoor heating system.

And just to clarify I don’t like the cold air blowing on me as I merrily type away. If I wanted to sit in the cold I would sit outside. Close the door when you go in and out. If you accidentally lock yourself out I will let you in, I promise.

Kindest Regards,
The Icicle in cubicle 24

2009 is only two days away!!  I have no idea where 2008 went but it just flew by.  I don’t really remember much about it.  There were some really good times that haven’t faded away from my ever deteriorating memory banks yet – Maks’ birthday party, Stinky’s concert, Great Wolf Lodge, Caribana, Sauble but the majority of the year was a blur.

I’ve never been one for resolutions but I figured that I would make these promises to myself about 2009 and hopefully I keep them. 

The first one should be working on improving my ever screwed up brain.  I swear giving birth resulted in me losing all my cognitive abilities.  I used to be really smart but now I feel slow, dull and dumb.  I tried taking Gingko to help with my memory but I think it was laced with something.  I got even more wonky than I already am, and I didn’t think that was even possible!!   Or maybe I should concentrate on getting healthier and taking better care of myself but I would be lying if I said I would do that.  I will probably keep on the path I am on now.  The one that is leading me to obesity and until something major happens that forces politely suggests that I should change my ways. 

But until then bring on the cheetos, here are my promises.

©       Eat six new foods this year

I ♥ food & eating, I’ve never hidden that fact.  But as of late my food choices have been tame, boring and repetitive.  I want to find some new exciting foods that I can enjoy again.  It doesn’t have to be anything exotic, just tasty.

©       Take a bath

No, I am not dirty like that.  I bathe daily sometimes twice a day depending on what Maks’ had for dinner and how much of it I am wearing.  But I take showers.  Really fast showers; on average my shower lasts about 7 minutes, 10 if I am washing my hair.  Anything longer than that will result in Maks knocking on the bathroom door demanding entry or screaming at his father because he wants to get into the shower too.  So in order to avoid a potential meltdown by Millhouse I limit the length of my shower time.  In 2009 I would like to take a bath, a long uninterrupted bath with bubbles and maybe candles.  But that may be pushing it.

©       Watch & rent Prince Caspian in its entirety

The Chronicles of Narnia was my favourite series as a kid and I was beyond excited when Prince Caspian came out in the theatres.  I was supposed to see it in the theatres but something happened and I didn’t.  Then I was supposed to rent it as soon as it came out on DVD but something happened and I didn’t.  Every weekend after that I was supposed to rent it and watch it but something happened and I have yet to see it.  In 2009 I would like to sit down and watch it.

©       Go to a movie, dinner, walk, on a date with Millhouse

When we had Maks, Millhouse & I said that we would go on a ‘date’ every month.  That hasn’t started yet, he’s 19 months old.  OK I lie, this year we’ve been on a ‘date’ once and that was on our anniversary and I wouldn’t call that a date I would call that our anniversary.  Next year I would like to go on dates more often.  Not every month just more often.

©       Enjoy a party that I planned

I am hyper organized and get stressed out easily when I am planning something but I love to plan things.  But because I am as neurotic as I am I never get to enjoy a party that I have planned.  I am forever going on about how things are supposed to be and how they are not working out as I planned.  I would like to plan a party and enjoy it, just once in the New Year, anything more than that would be a miracle.

I complain about my weight all the time – I am fat, I have gotten fat, I keep getting fatter and my weight really does bother me. I have these visions in my head of me eating healthy, running on a treadmill getting leaner and thinner but that is not reality. In reality I am an unmotivated slob.

I could walk on my lunch hour if I wanted to but I don’t.
I could pass on the birthday cake, but I don’t.
I could have fruit instead of chips, but I don’t.

I sabotage myself because I like food too much to give it up. I like mashed potatoes with butter. I like cake, cookies and ice cream. I like Cheetos and coke. I have a love affair with food and I think it has gone past a casual romance to an obsession. I even live off porn for fat people (the food network). I think I am addicted to food and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

How do I keep on loving food and lose weight? If Oprah can’t do it then no one can.

It feels like I haven’t posted in forever.  (Yes, 4 days is forever).  I had this really long post ready to go filled with all kinds of random thoughts that I wanted to share and then Word Press ate it.  So I have to start all over again.  Because I am now utterly exhausted (I had lasagna for lunch and that tuckered me out) here is a brief synopsis of what I wrote earlier.

©       Hell has frozen over!

I missed being at work!!  How warped is that?!?!  Don’t get me wrong, I loved being at home with Maks.  I got to spend a ton of time with him and I loved that.  But when I was on ‘vacation’ I was just so busy.  I never got a chance to just relax.  I was always go, go, go. 

But when I’m in the office I can take it easy.  I have been doing this for so long that I have mastered the art of slacking off.  When I feel like I need a break I can read blogs, the newspaper, go grab a coffee from the pot that is always readily available, grab a cookie or a piece of cake and then settle down to get some work done at my own pace.  It is very different at home. 

At home I am the CEO, COO, and at times the tyrannical dictator.  I run the show and that keeps me jumping.  I missed work because I am just another cog in the wheel here, and that’s kinds nice.

©       Is it too early to take down the tree?

We had a really good Christmas.  Maks loved his toys.  The look on his face when he walked out and saw all his goodies was priceless.  I loved every moment of Christmas with my baby.  That being said – is it too early to start putting away the Christmas stuff?

After the last present was open it was like – whoosh!  Christmas was over.  The decorations lost their sparkle and I swear the tree slumped over.  Things don’t feel festive anymore.  I am not sure whether or not to pack everything up.  I was hoping to keep everything up until the New Year but it is such a sad sight now I am thinking that I may have to put up the Valentines decorations to feel festive again.

©       I ♥ Bullets

They are just the greatest.  The allow for run on sentences and to have a jumble of un related thoughts all on one page.  They are great.  I can babble and still look all organized.

I have embarked on a journey of epic proportions.  I have started to read the Twilight Saga.  I am quite proud of myself, I started on Christmas Day (Thanks Beanz!) and I have finished three books.  That is quite a feat for me.  Usually it takes me almost a month to read a book.  Not because I am slow reader or anything but because I don’t have the time to dedicate to reading.  But I have said that I am going to read them through and I intend to finish the last one this week.  But it’s going to be hard.  I am not a hopeless romantic and I am not a fan of teenage angst so I was going into this series extremely jaded.  And I am pretty much getting what I expected. 

* To those that haven’t read the book and don’t want to know any details – STOP READING RIGHT NOW!!  I fully intend to spoil the ending, consider yourself warned. *

Being the cynical person that I am I have to point out:

©       Bella has no personality.  She is as one dimensional as they come.  All she is a whiny, selfish, sniffling little girl that has defined herself as a girlfriend of a vampire.  Her entire life is Edward and when he leaves her she has the opportunity to find herself.  But instead of recognizing just how strong she is, she shrivels up and waits for him to come and save her again.  That is just so boring.  Who would want to be someone like that?

©       Edward has no personality.  He is just an intense blob.  He ranges from angry to brooding but there is nothing in-between.  He is incapable of being ‘fun’.  He doesn’t remotely smile unless he is poking fun at Bella.  I don’t think this has anything to do with him being a vampire; it is because he is boring.  The rest of his family has these killer (pun intended) personalities but all he has are good looks. 

©       Bella is 17 & Edward is her first love.  What she is experiencing may or may not be love, but most likely it is infatuation.  In the real world her feelings would most likely change as she older and as she developed her personality.  This whole he is my soul mate thing doesn’t fly if you have no one to compare him to.  She is attracted to him; this whole push for love of life thing is premature.

©       Her focus on his breath is icky.  I do not go up to people deeply inhaling their breath.  I don’t care how sexy I find somebody I am not going to be sitting under their nose smelling their breath.  Vampire or not it is just weird.

©       After knowing Edward for less than a year, she wants him to turn her into a vampire.  She wants to give up her family for something brand new.  Her rush to turn has nothing to do with any fear that Edward may leave her; it is because she doesn’t want to get any older.  She is afraid of getting old.  That right there is evidence as to just how immature she is.

©       I feel bad for Jacob.  I think that he is an awesome character and Bella herself admits that she uses him.  He is the Pacey of this ‘love’ triangle.  Thus far these books have been an episode of Dawson’s Creek with fangs & fur.  Edward is Dawson, Bella is Joey and Jacob is Pacey.  Bella loves them both, only she loves Edward that little bit more.  She disregards that he left her all alone in the woods when she was in hysterics because he didn’t want to ‘hurt’ her.  She disregards the fact that Jacob puts her back together again and makes her as whole as she will let him.  She still leaves Jacob in the end and goes back to Edward.

Now the books aren’t all bad.  I have gotten through three out the four books and the reason is because of the other characters.  Edwards family stories are interesting and you really start to feel for his ‘parents’ and ‘siblings’.  The same goes for the stories about how the werewolves got to be what they are.  These parts of the books carry the story so well and without them I wouldn’t have made it past the second half of the first book.

Wishing you & yours a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & all that jazz.  Have fun and keep safe.