Other people’s perceptions

Do you know why I started posting about my sister at the beginning of February?

It was because before then I hoped for some version of a reconciliation. My sister never apologizes so I knew an apology would never happen but I hoped for some sort of olive branch.  Before February, I held on the slim chance that things could/would get better.  Then something happened and I realized that there was absolutely no hope for reconciliation.  She wouldn’t have sort any sort of epiphany and recognize just how her behaviour was hurting us.  I came to terms it wasn’t going to happen.  Not then, not now, not ever.

See on January 31st, my sister took my niece and her friends to Great Wolf Lodge.  She never even asked the boys if they wanted to go.  She knows the boys love Great Wolf Lodge.  She knows we always go together.  She knew that no matter what the state of our relationship was, I would find a way to send the boys because that is the one place they love more than anywhere else.  Last year, they got a pity invite to the GWL trip.  My niece inadvertently told me how they were planning a trip and after my sister had booked the rooms for her friends, booked the meal plans for her friends, organized sleeping arrangements and rides for her friends; she asked if the boys could go.  I am pretty sure the boys would not have gotten an invitation if my niece hadn’t accidentally texted me about the trip a week earlier.  But I arranged a room for my boys, and they were able to go.  It didn’t matter they had school, it didn’t matter we didn’t have the money, it didn’t matter that it was a pity invite at the last minute; it made my kids happy being included.  So I went ahead and did it.

This year, they didn’t get an invite. This year their aunt and cousin, intentionally and purposely excluded them from the trip knowing how much it would have meant for them to go.  They excluded them knowing just how much it would hurt them to know they were not welcome.  I have no doubt the boys’ aunt and cousin will say they didn’t even bother to ask them because the boys had school or because they didn’t think they would be allowed to go.  Both those reasons are pure BS.  The boys’ aunt and cousin know I would have pulled them from school to go, I had done it before and I would have done it then.  They know I would have found a way to send them, regardless of cost or ride or room.  The truth of the matter is, the boys’ aunt and cousin did not want them there.  To not even ask, for fear of the boys saying yes, tells me they were intentionally left out of the trip.

Any hope of reconciliation ended right then. To intentionally and deliberately hurt my kids in such a pronounced way tells me these people don’t care for my kids.  They never had and they never will.  If I needed tangible evidence that my family was just a matter of convenience, there it was, right in front of me.  This sort of conscious hurt shows me just how little my children’s feelings matter to these people.  It broke me down.  Just as reference, about a month earlier MIllhouse won a raffle at work and he got to go to a really fun hotel for the night.  We made sure to invite my niece.  We made sure to include her.  We would never have done anything fun without asking her to be a part of it.  It is just how we did things.  To have my kids blatantly disregarded when it came to something they both knew meant so much to my boys, hurt me to my very core.

I was done hoping and wishing and praying for understanding and I started writing. I started putting this out there so I could move on.  I let go of who I thought they were and what I thought we meant to them.  I gave up hope of fixing things and started working on adjusting to how things will be from now on.  There is no going back.

But like I said in the previous post, my sister isn’t the type to be in the wrong. Even though she is the one who deliberately excluded my kids, she can’t take ownership of her actions.  She doesn’t want to acknowledge just how malicious her actions were.  It’s not in her.  Instead, she needs to be the victim.  She will try to prove just how good of an aunt she is and how I am the one blocking my kids from seeing their cousin.

Two weeks after the GWL trip, my sister texts and asks if the boys could come to the car show with her family. My boys don’t like cars, they aren’t interested in the car show and we had tickets to Black Panther, so no, they can’t go.  Besides I believe the only reason they were even asked was because my sister’s partner probably suggested including the boys.  The week after the car show, another text, this one saying how my niece would like to hang out with the boys over March Break.  The boys are in camp over March Break, so they can’t hang out.  Three days after that text, my sister texts again.  This time asking if the boys can go to Comic Con the following weekend.  The boys have plans and can’t go, sorry.  My kids have plans and are busy and they are not going to drop everything they are doing because it is now convenient for other people to make time for them.

If I were to take the barrage of texts at face value it would seem as though, my sister and niece were trying really hard to hang out with my kids.  In reality, it’s not.  I don’t believe for a minute my niece actually wants to hang out with my kids.  I do believe my sister needs proof to show our parents how she is asking to spend time with the boys and we don’t have time for them.  All these attempts would be used as justification as to why she didn’t invite them to the GWL trip.  See even though they made no attempt to hang out with my children *prior* to their GWL trip.  They didn’t miss the boys *before* the trip.  They didn’t miss the boys when they were in our neighbourhood every Sunday, or when they would go out and do fun things or have sleep overs.  No, they didn’t even think about my kids then.  In fact, I believe they actively avoided the boys so there wouldn’t be a slip up like last time.  They didn’t see my boys because if they did there was a chance the boys would end up with another pity invite.  Now *after* the trip they are going out of their way to try to see my kids.  After their trip, they miss my kids and want to spend time with them?  Really?  It has nothing to do with missing my children and everything to do with making sure other people perceive them as the victim.  If they truly wanted to see my kids, if they truly missed spending time with my children, they would have asked them to go to GWL.

But they didn’t and now they need to excuse their actions.

Again, when it comes to them, my kids are just a matter of convenience.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *