Intent versus Actual

I haven’t spoken to my sister for almost a year.  The year before that, our relationship was extremely strained.  She had decided that my family and I just weren’t the people she and her daughter needed to be around.  I used to be really close to her but things have changed.  At first, I intended to use this blog as a forum to list all the ways my sister has hurt my boys and I over the last two years.  For a while it seemed like a really good idea.  I figured if I retold all the things she has done, and said, I would feel better.

Then I started writing all things out.  I wrote down the dates and incidents and I had to stop.  I couldn’t do it.  It hurt.  It hurt a lot.  It hurt as much as it hurt when it first happened.  And then I realized reliving all the wrongs my sister has done and said (to me, about me, to my boys and about my boys) won’t help me.

I need to move past the person I thought she was.  I need to step away from all the hurtful things she has said and done.  I have dedicated too much time and effort focusing on her.  It’s obvious that my family and I are not of her concern and I need to focus on the people that actually matter.  I won’t relive the bad, I am going to focus on the people that actually care about my family.  I am going to start healing myself.

I don’t have any ill will towards my sister.  There are times when I think I am being too forgiving when it comes to her and I should be angrier than I am but I am not.  I am disappointed.  I am hurt.  I am flabbergasted by her behaviour.  But all in all, I wish her well.  In fact, I hope she achieves whatever it is she is striving for.  I hope she impresses all the people she is so desperate to impress.  I hope she succeeds where she is fighting to succeed.

I just won’t be part of it.  Neither will my children and husband.

That was her choice.

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