Why I can’t have nice things

An alternative title to this was the mother trucking squirrel keeps stealing my ish.

So there’s this squirrel that hangs out by my front door.  He used to be an occasional visitor but now he is a regular fixture because my neighbours have decided to start feeding him roti.  Now every so often I find roti on my window sills, by my front door, in the flower pots and other random places.  For the most part, it didn’t bother me.  If they want to feed the squirrel roti, then they can feed the squirrel roti, it doesn’t really concern me.

Until now.

The squirrel has started getting involved in my ish thinking he can.  Case in point, the little trucker stole my goddamn mini pumpkin and mutilated my baby pumpkin.  Every year we have a collection of pumpkins that we put out; we have a mini pumpkin, a baby pumpkin, a medium pumpkin and big pumpkins.  This year the stupid squirrel stole the mini pumpkin!  It was there one night and the next morning it was gone.  I checked around the porch in case it fell off or rolled away and it is nowhere to be found.  I am not sure if he thought it was a big nut or what but he ran off with that ish like it was some sort of precious gem.  But what he did to the baby pumpkin was even worse.  It looks like he tried to pick it up and couldn’t so he decided to break off chunks of it and take it to wherever it is he goes.  There are these teeth marks and gorges all over the blasted pumpkin.  I am not sure if he tried anything with the big pumpkins but so far, I haven’t found any damage on them.

I was considering getting bales of hay for the front porch as well but I decided against it because I am pretty sure I would come home and either find them destroyed or find the squirrel nesting in it.  Either way hay is not happening.

But if that sucker gets into my Christmas lights there will be hell to pay!!

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