Yesterday was my birthday.
I turned a number that puts me closer to forty that it does thirty but I am still not pas the half way mark, so all is not lost.
I am not the point why my birthday is less about me and more of an excuse for the kids to have cake and “help” me open the presents that they chose for me.Â I don’t mind that.Â I like the fact that they get so much enjoyment from my birthday.
But yesterday didn’t feel like my birthday.
It felt like my birthday was used as excuse for other people to get what they wanted.
My parents bought lunch / dinner take out in honour of my birthday.Â But they didn’t ask me what I wanted them to order.Â Instead, they ordered what they liked.Â Maks didn’t get the chicken wings that he likes and I didn’t get the fried wontons that I like.Â But my mom did get the stir fried duck that she likes.
I was ready to cut the cake at around 2pm in the afternoon, when the cake came home but we couldn’t because my mom was taking a nap.Â And then Millhouse and Beanz went to take a nap.Â And then Mat found the cake in the fridge and tried to pull it out and help himself to a piece of cake and cried bloody murder when I told him that we had to wait because everyone else was asleep.Â By that point, he had a meltdown and I would have let him have the goddamn cake.
No child made me a card.Â This one hurts.Â I don’t particularly like cards, but I do like getting drawings and scribbles that show that they took some time to think of me.Â Normally, I am the one that reminds them to make the cards and such and I guess because I didn’t remind them then they didn’t think of doing it on their own.
Maks wanted to know why we weren’t having a party.Â I asked him if he had planned a party for me and his response was “no”.Â So I told him, then we’re not having a party.
I know that I sound like a whiny brat and really I am not.Â I am grateful for everything that I have and for surviving everything that is going on so that I am able to see another year.
But yesterday just didn’t feel like my birthday.
It felt like a special Saturday.