When I had to come back to work after each of my maternity leaves, I fretted. I didn’t want to come back to work at all. I was worried that the kids wouldn’t adjust. I was worried that I wouldn’t adjust. Then I came back and things were OK. Working stressed me out but being around other people helped me deal also.
It wasn’t so bad.
Stuff was still hectic. I was tired as hell but overall we found our groove and stuff worked out.
I never thought that it would but it did.
I am not getting that same feeling with school.
School has me feeling very uncomfortable. Not the regular kind of “I don’t like this because it is brand new and I just have to adjust” kind of uncomfortable. It is more like “there is something very wrong and I need to find a way to make this work” kind of uncomfortable. Maks hates it. He asked yesterday if he could go back to daycare. He doesn’t like grade one. He’s not having fun and he has no friends. He was in tears this morning because he was afraid that the other kids would make fun of his tee shirt because it was too long. The shirt wasn’t too long. It was the same length as all his other shirts. He was just very self conscious of it and changed his shirt 4 (!) times before I finally made him just pick one and wear it. And even then he wasn’t comfortable wearing it.
He hates it there.
And I am not around to help.
I have decided to start looking for another job; one that will have me either working nights or working from home. Neither is particularly easy to find. And the pay scale for these types of jobs is not anywhere close to what I am making now so I will have to do some juggling to make it work.
But I think it is time for me to move on.