I left the room for, like, 5 seconds

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I saw this post on Scary Mommy’s Instagram feed and it made me chuckle.  Back in the day, I would have all sorts of stories about how I left the room for like 2 seconds and then things would go awry; cupboards would get broken into, cups would spill, sticky things would get stuck to things they should never have touched.  It hasn’t happened in a long time and that’s why seeing that post me smile.  I am past this part of motherhood.  The boys are older now and they still get into things but it is not like it used to be.  I am getting better at predicting their behaviours.  So when they are about to do something wicked, I am ready.  I know what to do and most time I can cut them off at the pass.

Most of the time.

Last night, Mats totally threw me for a loop.  When it comes to my kids, Maks is the one that generally gets in trouble.  He has the stronger personality and when he decides he is going to do something, he goes off and does it.  He deals with the consequences later.  Mats isn’t like that.  He is the quieter of the two.  He may come up with ideas but he won’t act on it until he has thought about it for a long time and weighed the consequences.  He usually won’t act until he knows what exactly is going to happen and whether or not he wants to deal with the aftermath.

I am still not sure that what happened yesterday was a well thought out act.  I am pretty sure he just acted on impulse and I am not used to that from him.

Last night the boys and I were sitting on my bed.  It was couple of minutes until bedtime and I was finishing up clipping their nails as they watched Batman.  (The glamour just doesn’t stop I tell you.)  Everyone was getting along.  They were enthralled with their show and I was tidying up and getting ready for bed.  I swear I left the room for like five seconds and it happened.  Mats reached over and grabbed his bottle of water to take a drink.  He took a drink of water and this is where things get fuzzy.  I am not exactly sure what he is was thinking or what he was hoping to accomplish but he took his bottle of water and emptied the contents on Maks’ head as he sat watching Batman totally oblivious to what Mats was doing.  Maks’ screamed and jumped out of the bed as fast as he could.  He was soaked but the majority of the bed was alright.

Now this was one of those things where it would have been funny if it wasn’t my kid that did it.  Part of me wanted to laugh when I saw Maks head and he told me what happened because it was just so unexpected and to be completely honest, it was funny.  But I couldn’t cause these kids belong to me and I can’t have my 6 year old dousing this brother with water whenever his heart desires.  So in my best mommy voice I had to lay down the law.  For the act of water dousing Mats was sentenced to ten lines of “I will not pour water on Maks’ head” required immediately.  I wanted them neat, correctly spelt and completed in twenty minutes.  This would give Maks time to dry off and get into some new clothes for bed and it would give me some time to laugh in private.

So much for knowing my kids.

Two weeks in

The boys have survived the first two *full* weeks of school.  There were no long weekend or teacher prep days in there and they had to deal with getting back into the swing of things feet first.  Our prep for going back to school didn’t work out as planned and the boys went back in a rush rather than a slow peaceful transition.  And even though I could beat myself up over that, I choose not to.  Yes, I did admonish my timing a bit but “oh well”.  It happens and they survived.  Life goes on.

The first two weeks have been different for each child.  I now know how differently my children actually are from one another and I knew not to expect Mats’ experience to be anything like Maks’ experience was.  They are just that different.

Mats first couple weeks were nowhere as traumatic as Maks were when he started grade one.  Mats’ has been going to this school for two years now, he knows where things are and he knows the staff in the office.  Even though he is the more introverted of the two boys, he is very comfortable in his surroundings and that makes a big difference.  Mats’ also has (what I like to call) “hand me down” teachers.  Both his English and his French teacher have taught Maks before so when they saw Mats name they recognized him as the little brother.  Mats’ English teacher is the summer school teacher that helped Maks master reading.  From what I remember of her, she is very patient and willing to help.  Mats’ French teacher is Maks’ grade two French teacher.  She is quiet and reserved but spends a lot of time helping the children understand what they are doing rather than just having them complete tasks.  When you are just starting to learn a brand new language this is important.  So far Mats’ only complaint is that he has way more homework now than he did in kindergarten.  And if that is the only complaint, I am good with that.

Maks’ first couple of weeks has been similar to this brother.  He thought he was getting teachers that he had had before but it turns out there are two teachers with the same name teaching the same grade (talk about confusing!) and he ended up with the teacher he didn’t know.  He is in a split class so he is getting some insight into what the older kids are doing and what will be expected of him next year.  I think this is a good thing, him not so much.  He really likes his English teacher.  She is very modern and doesn’t believe in homework so they will not be getting daily homework this year.  They will get major projects but no tasks to complete at home on a regular basis.  She created a group text and she sends out updates to the parents via group messaging.  It is interesting.  I am not used to having this much information on his daily activities but I do like that she has the parents involved.

So far neither has had any major disasters and they seem to be adjusting to things with relative ease.  Hopefully the rest of the year stays just like this.

Implant in

So I have officially had my implant implanted.  It’s be doing its implant stuff in me for a week now.  The procedure to get the implant into me turned out to be a lot more complicated than I first understood it to be.  I thought they were just going to find the right spot and stick it in.  Turns out there was more to it than that.  I had to get my uterus scrapped out and then she did a biopsy on a part of my small cyst.  She didn’t touch the hemorrhaging cyst because she wasn’t sure how much it would bleed if she tried to take a portion of it.  And then she found the right spot and jammed in the implant as far as it would go.  All while I was awake and feeling every damn thing she was doing.  None of what she was doing was pleasant and I thought I could be brave and not request the pill to calm me down but I should have.  Even with the pain killers, I still felt everything and it hurt more than I thought it would.  She showed me the part of the cyst afterwards.  It was the size of a loonie all the way around.  It filled up the jar she transferred it to.  I know a loonie doesn’t sound that impressive but actually seeing it and seeing that it was big enough to hold.  I felt really woozy and had the worst headache after the procedure, which I didn’t expect.  There was some fantastic bleeding and cramping after as well but I did expect that so I had prepared myself to deal with it.  All of the physical side effects went away within the first couple of days.  Even the bleeding and cramping stopped.  I thought they would have lasted longer.  According to the doctor the bleeding and cramping could last as long as three months and given my track record of abnormal bleeding, I really thought that would apply to me but it turns out it didn’t.  Hopefully they stay away.

It is weird I feel like I am going through some sort of obstacle course, slowly defeating side effects as they raise up to oppose me.  Or it could be I have been watching too much American ninja warrior.  Whatever it is, I am feeling like I am going through the labyrinth waiting to face the minotaur.  I have made it through the physical side effects now it is time for me to battle* through the next set of side effects.

Right now it feels like I am going through all the emotional and hormonal side effects.  I can never be sure of these things though.  I make the assumptions based on what the doctor told me to expect and compartmentalize because that is what I do.  If these are the hormonal side effects, these ones are harder than the physical side effects.  With the physical side effects I can take pain killers if the cramps are too bad or I can take Advil if my head hurts too much.  There is nothing I can take if the radio commercial makes me cry.  There is no magic pill you can take to stave off hormonal eating binges.  It feels like the week before my period where I am not quite myself and I need to ride through curled in a ball crying at P & G commercials while eating Costco sized bags of all dressed chips.  I am not sure how long it will last but if it lasts more than a week that won’t be good.  My family has been conditioned to deal with my crazy for only a week or so at a time.  Anything longer may drive us all up the wall.**

The whole purpose of the implant was to introduce a new kind of concoction into my system so my body thinks I am going through menopause but that means I will feel like I am going through menopause complete with mood swings and cravings.  It could take up to six weeks for my body to get used to be in menopause and until it gets used to it the emotional and hormonal side effects will be sticking around.

My cycle is supposed to restart in a couple of weeks, if it follows the pattern it has always followed, all this emotional stuff will be over in the next couple of days.  If it doesn’t then it will be interesting to see what happens next.  It’s not all negative though, I only have to go through this once.  Once everything settles down, I should be set for the next five years, no more worrying about fibroids, cysts or a warped uterus.  I might finally go back to normal.

And that will be nice.

*slightly dramatic on my part, I know, but in my head it seems like that is the right word.

** again, slightly overdramatic but an accurate description of what we are capable of dealing with and what may potentially happen if we exceed what we are capable of bearing.

How I’m Feeling

Given how much my health dictated my life over the last year, I figure I should give you an update on what is going on with me.  There was so much going on that I have to break things out into body parts because there is just that much.

My thyroid.

My thyroid is dead.  It won’t be coming back but I am learning how to deal with having to take synthetic hormones to make my body work.  For almost a year I have been learning to adapt to having to take pills every day.  I don’t like pills so having to take them daily has taken some getting used to.  But I am used to it now and so is my body.  There are some bad days but they don’t come around as often as they used to.  To be completely forthcoming, I still get scared when I get sore throats.  My first reflect is to feel my neck and make sure that my thyroid is not swollen.  I know it is in my head but I still check every single time, just in case.

My stomach.

The treatment worked.  YAY!!  This was probably the scariest part of the past year.  It was the most serious and it was the one thing that the doctors wanted to treat most aggressively.  But the aggressive treatments worked.  It was weeks of feeling absolutely horrible but it was worth it because I am better and it won’t be coming back.  I can’t lose my mind and start eating all crazy though.  I still have to watch what I eat.  I won’t be able to eat beef whatsoever and very limited amounts of spicy or fried foods for the rest of my life but I will take bland food over being ill.

My lady bits.

And lastly, my lady bits.  So after loads and loads of internal ultrasounds it turns out that I have a lopsided warped uterus, six large fibroids, a bunch of little fibroids and hemorrhaging cysts in both ovaries.  The initial plan was a hysterectomy but I wasn’t feeling that option.  So after meeting with another specialist, there is a treatment plan on the horizon.  I am going to get a brand new kind of implant that is supposed to make the fibroids shrink.  So rather than removing everything, this treatment should shrink the large fibroids, make the small fibroids disappear and “expel” the cysts.  In a couple of weeks I have to take an allergy test to make sure I won’t react to the medicine in the implant.  If I don’t react to the medicine then I will have it implanted right into the front part of my uterus.  This will stay implanted until menopause to make sure that the fibroids don’t come back after the implant is removed.  The doctor has warned me that the implant will make me bleed and I will be uncomfortable for a bit as my body gets used to having a foreign object imbedded into it but then things will be better than they have been in a long time.

So that’s it.  You are now all up to date on what’s going on with my health.

Summer So Far

So far this summer Maks has had an ear infection, a sinus infection, three unknown bruises and cut on his leg.

So far this summer Mats has had a horse fly bite (that he didn’t feel at the time but it eventually started to swell and he noticed it), an elbow to the head, a cut on his finger and one scrapped knee.

Given that we are now three weeks into summer holidays we are doing pretty good for injuries.  My children are not the most graceful creatures and tend to fall over their feet more times than I like to admit.  So when they have unlimited amounts of lightly supervised free time, it is inevitable that they are eventually going to fall over themselves or each other and get hurt.  By this point I was expecting something pretty serious to have gone down but the boys have surprised me and managed not to hurt themselves too badly.

 Now, I am not wishing bad luck onto my children but I am realistic enough to know that if it is possible they will get hurt then they will most likely end up getting hurt.  They won’t break bones or anything but falling off things, getting cuts or bruises or scratches are all highly probable occurrences especially in the summer.  There is something about the summer that just makes the boys forget to watch out for things.  

REWIND!!

So as I was writing this I was thinking to myself “I wonder if I am jinxing things by saying the boys have been having an OK summer so far”.  Then I decided to take a breather from writing the post and focus on other things.  I am back now and I can tell you that I totally jinxed the boys and the evening I started writing this post, things started to go downhill.

Once a week Maks has judo classes.  He goes in for an hour and a half and throws kids, kids throw him and they do this on and on.  He has gotten really serious about judo and he even went to class last week when he had the ear infection.*  This week was his first week back since being sick and he seems to have bounced back really well.  Because of his size he was paired with a kid two belt classes higher than he is.  This is nothing new.  The sensei likes to pair kids based on size not skill.  Which if you think about it, makes sense.  You can have a huge kid and a little kid in the same belt class and the potential for someone to get hurt is really high.  So they paired up based on size and the sparring began.  The class went as planned and nothing too crazy went down.

Until after the class.

As Maks was leaving judo, he started to throw up.  Turns out that the other kid was throwing him too hard and he kept landing on his ribs.  It was enough jostling and flipping that it got him physically ill.  This has never happened before and he was really shaken up by it.

 And not to be out done; that same night Mats started getting random headaches.  He will just be sitting there colouring or drawing or playing on his tablet and his head will just start hurting.  It hurts him so bad that he will just start crying because it hurts so much.  At first I thought he got hit on the head but he wasn’t.  I keep an eye on him at night to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion.  And if the headaches come back, I will take him to the doctor.

 *he didn’t participate in the class but he still sat on the bench and watched them practice.  He wants to show the sensei he is serious about the class and moving up in the ranks.

Portion Control

I am the horrible hybrid of a binge eater meets a grazer.  I have the awful ability to eat all day long and still overeat at the end of the day.  It is horrible.  I know I am an emotional eater but I am also never seem to get that full sensation until I cross that invisible line into uncomfortably full.  Millhouse has his own eating issues.  He is a social overeater.  When he is at work that is when he eats the most and it is because everyone around him eats.  They treat meals like a eating contest and the group of them will try to outdo each other by eating large amounts of burgers or pizza or burritos.  He will gorge himself on foods but only when other people can see him.  We each have our own food vices and I have always believes this is something I dealt with on our own but it turns out it is not.

The boys eat have their own food vices.  Maks is just like me.  Maks can eat all day long, never seeming to get full, and then overeat at the end of the day.  And unlike me, he doesn’t just eat bad things.  He can binge on healthy foods too.  In fact most days he grazes on healthy foods throughout the day and then at night he will binge on unhealthy foods.  He can spend an entire day eating sandwiches and fruit and then decide he wants a big plate of nachos an hour after he has had dinner.  If I try to replace the nachos with fruit or vegetables, he will still eat it but he will stay hungry and get up at night to tell me he his hungry.  I have been trying really hard to control what Maks eat but no matter what I do he just eats and always seems to be hungry.

I have taken him to the doctor and medically, there is nothing wrong with him.  He is healthy but husky.  He is not big boned but he is going to grow up to be a thicker person.  The doctor is not worried but I am mostly because I know that my bad habits are the reason why he eats the way he does.  He sees his father and I eating this way and he thinks it is OK.  When we try to change our eating habits, he notices that and he sees we are trying to make a change but because we can’t make the change stick, he doesn’t change either.

 Mats is nothing like his brother.  He is on the complete opposite side of the spectrum.  Rather than eating too much, he hardly eats at all.  Most days it is a miracle for him to eat half a hot dog.  Half a hot dog to Mats is the equivalent of a large turkey dinner to another person.  I can put plate after plate in front of Mats and he won’t eat any of it even if it something that he really likes.  The most he will eat is a couple of bites before he goes back to doing other things.  I have taken him to the doctor as well and the doctor says Mats is healthy.  He won’t be a bruiser when he grows up but he is a perfectly normal, slim little boy. 

 It is frustrating because as much as I want Maks to stop eating so much, I want Mats to start eating more.  It’s as though they don’t listen to what I tell them instead they are internalizing what I am saying to their brother.  Mats hears me tell Maks not to eat so much so he stops eating.  Maks hears me tell Mats to eat more so he starts eating more.  They are doing the opposite of what I want them to do.

 I can’t seem to find a happy middle ground.

And I’m Back

I have been away for a long time.  Not cause I wanted to be but more because if I wrote about what was going on I could violate some contract thingies.  I wanted to make sure I didn’t write anything I could get in trouble for.

So I started a new job in May.  It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, career wise.  The loyal part of me just could not fathom leaving even though it had become evident that working where I was was slowly killing me. 

Literally. 

I was getting sick because of all the stress involved which when I stop to think about it is crazy.  I let someplace dictate my life so much that when I was overwhelmed, I would become physically ill.  And this went on for years and I stayed through it all because I kept thinking I was proving myself, proving my worth to these people.  But in reality, I was just a work horse.  I would never get the respect I thought I deserved and it took me a long time to come to terms with that.  Finally coming to that realization was hard.  I have to admit I didn’t want to accept it to a certain extent.  I kept holding on to the idea of eventually one day these people would realize just how valuable I was to them however it was just never going to happen.  I didn’t fit into their ideal and nothing I could do was ever going to make me fit.

So I moved on.

Once I started looking I realized how attractive I was to other places out there.  I had the loyalty thing plus skills and experience.  Turns out I am a good catch.  I ended up getting two offers on the same day.  Both were fairly similar.  In fact before I started negotiating both offers were practically identical.  Once I started negotiating, one company gave me everything I asked for.  They really wanted me so why not give them a chance.  It was a job, if things weren’t what I wanted them to be I would leave.

So I said yes and I have been here ever since.

Now I expected to have some sort of negative reaction when I handed in my resignation to my old job.  I knew they wouldn’t try to block me from leaving, that would just be ridiculous and I would have fought them, but I readied myself to be met with thinly veiled insults or passive aggressive comments.  I got none of it.  They accepted my resignation in a professional manner and they were almost cordial with me leaving.  I guess they were as ready for me to leave as I was to go.

I have been here for almost three months now.  It is new and interesting.  I am learning a lot.  It is a completely different type of department.  They are really smart people who are partial to logarithms and algebraic equations.  The way they think is new to me and takes some getting used to.  Some days I feel as though I am not smart enough to be here but I am slowly getting the hang of things and building up my confidence.  Working to prove myself here feels different from the other place.  I see people getting recognized here and I hope in time I can get recognized as well but I am not going to push myself to be respected.  I know now respect either comes or it doesn’t.  And if it doesn’t then I can still survive.  As long as I am happy with what I put out, I will be ok.

Story # 2: The Jaws of Life

Since I shared the story of Mats and the rum smuggler, it is only fair that I share one of Maks’ stories. Alas, his story has nothing to do with under-aged children smuggling alcoholic beverages into school during lunch. But he does have the Jaws of Life, so his story is just as interesting.

Maks’ class shares its classroom with another class. So for part of the day, they are in one room and for the other part of the day, they are in the other room. They have their desks and such but everything is shared; tables, chairs, books, you get the idea. Anything personal is kept with the kids but everything else is fair game. One room has been bag chairs for the kids to sit on and the other room has proper little plastic desk chairs.

This story starts with the proper little plastic desk chairs. The chairs are what you would expect them to be. They are hard plastic with a rigid back and a small square hole cut out of the back of them. I assume the hole in the back is for air flow given that plastic isn’t very breathable but it could just be the design of the chairs.

For the most part, the kids like the bean bag chairs the best. And really, who wouldn’t? They are squishy and fun to sit on. But there is this one little girl in Maks’ class that prefers the proper little plastic desk chairs. She doesn’t like them because they are more comfortable or easier to sit in, she likes them better because she can show off her athletic prowess in them. She likes to contort her body and squeeze herself through one side of the chair and then pull herself out the other. Given how small the hole is, it is a pretty neat trick to see.

Until the trick stops working.

One lunch break, S decides she is going to squeeze herself through the chair and amaze her classmates once more. So she lies on her tummy and pushes her legs through the hole in the back of the chair. She makes it halfway and realizes that she is stuck. She can’t get the rest of her body to go through the way it normally goes through. She wiggles and she squeezes but nothing happens. She is good and stuck. Then she does what any eight year old who is stuck in a chair would do, she calls out to her friends for help. They try to push her through, they try to pull her out, they take off her sweater and help her wiggle but she is not going anywhere. So they have to call the teacher over. The teacher tries to lift the chair off of S. She tries to pull her out or push her through but she is just not moving so she calls in adult reinforcements, in the form of the custodian.

The custodian comes in and works with the teacher to try and dislodge the child from the chair. They try wiggling her, pushing her, pulling her but she is good and stuck and they call in more adult reinforcements, in the form of the admin staff from the front office. Now the room is it a buzz with activity; it is full of adults who are standing looking bewildered at a child stuck halfway through a chair, the child in the chair is bawling and terrified because she can’t get out and the other kids are all standing around shouting encouragement and trying to help. In other words, it’s chaos.

The office staff decided to take a different route from what the other adults had done so far, they know that there is only so much that they can do and they go off to call the child’s parents and the fire department. They need her parents to come in and give the fire department permission to assist in this very odd situation. S’s dad comes in just as the fire department is pulling up. He walks into the room to find S halfway through a chair, crying and very scared. He finds a flabbergasted teacher and custodian trying to figure what to do and an office staff asking that he sign a bunch of papers. The firemen just stand there for now because there is nothing else they can do. The teacher ushers the rest of the class out of the room so things aren’t as chaotic but that doesn’t really stop them. They crowd around the window in the other room to watch.

Right after S’s dad signs the papers from the office, the firemen all converge on S. They give her a teddy to hold and they try to get her out of the chair. When it is confirmed she is really stuck, they break out really big bolt cutters and she freaks out. There are now firemen coming after her with giant tools. Her dad has to calm her down and keep her still while the firemen cut her out of the chair. The firemen cut the chair in half, freeing S after being stuck in the chair for two hours and her dad takes her home.

I doubt she will ever be trying that trick again.

When Batman versed Superman

*Spoiler alert* I give away the end of Batman vs Superman in this post. If you don’t want to know what happens, don’t read this post. You have been warned.

Last weekend, we took the boys to see Batman vs Superman. We waited until some of the hype had died down because dealing with the crowds, showing up two hours before show time and line ups are not my thing. I just can’t deal. I know this and because I know this, I don’t put myself in the situation where I know I am going to get mad dealing with the things I know I can’t deal with. Makes sense, right? Based on my past experiences, I know it is better to wait a week than try to fit a round peg (me) into a square hole (super crowded place I don’t want to be in).

Last weekend was the perfect time to go, the theatre was packed but we didn’t have to line up before and we were still able to get pretty decent seats showing up twenty minutes before show time. All in all the movie was alright. I really liked Wonder Woman but didn’t really like Batman or Superman. Batman is not supposed to carry guns so him having a kryptonite shooting gun bothered me. He should have found some other way to get the kryptonite into Superman. Batman with a gun is a cop out, in my opinion. He has an advanced military research facility with the best scientists in the world working for him, he is supposed to be beyond guns. And Superman is kitty-whipped. Am I the only one that sees this?

For what it was, it was nice to see a movie with the kids (that wasn’t animated) but I think I would have enjoyed the Jungle Book more.

Now here is the most interesting observation of the entire movie and it comes from Maks. Towards the end of the movie, when Superman dies (I warned you) his mother Martha comes in and give Lois Lane the ring that Superman was eventually going to give to her. And Maks had this reaction (and yes, we talk during movies. It’s not loud but there is a running commentary throughout just about every movie we see).

Maks: “Is that a marriage ring?”

Me: “Yes”

Maks: “They are supposed to get married?”

Me: “Yes.”

Maks: “Can dead people get married?”

Me: “No.”

Maks: “Then that’s dumb. Don’t they know dead people can’t get married? He shouldn’t have given her a ring.”

Me: “Superman got Lois the ring because he loved her and he didn’t know he was going to die. He thought they would end up getting married. Now stop talking.”

Maks: “I still think it is dumb. He wouldn’t be dead if he didn’t keep trying to save Lois.”

And I agree with him. I am not a lovey dovey type person. For the most part romance and sentiment are lost on me. But if Superman stopped swooping in the save Lois, then maybe he wouldn’t be dead and she wouldn’t be Superman bait all the time.

Just saying.

I am looking forward to seeing the Jungle Book though.

Story # 1 – The Tale of the Rum Smuggler

Lately the boys have been coming home with some interesting stories from school. And I swear there were these two stories that just left me flabbergasted. I had to ask for clarification halfway through both stories and I even asked them to tell me the stories again after they were done, just to make sure I had heard the right thing the first time around. Turns out the stories were just as crazy the second time around.

Here is one of those stories. This one is from Mats’ class.

During lunch one day, a little girl in Mats’ kindergarten class decided to show everyone what she snuck into school in her lunch bag. Now the school has pretty strict rules on what you can bring in for lunch. It is a combination of the usual things like; no peanuts or other tree nuts because those allergies could lead to some pretty serious reactions, to some pretty nutritionally specific ones like; no candy or chips at all because the kids need to eat healthy. From what Mats’ tells me all the kids in his class are pretty good at making sure their parents only give them the things they are allowed to have but every once in a while someone sneaks in some chips or candy and they cannot resist showing the rest of the class whatever it is they have snuck in. Successfully sneaking in gummy fruit gushers is a pretty big deal in kindergarten. So on this day one of Mats’ classmates was really excited to show the other kids what she smuggled into class because it was way cooler than candy. When they were sure the teachers were otherwise occupied, she pulled out her loot. It was a teeny little bottle of rum. RUM!!! As one little boy pointed out rum is alcohol. And yes, it really was rum as in the alcohol. She had snuck into her parents alcohol stash and swiped a little sample bottle of rum that they had put away. She thought it looked very neat and wanted to show everyone the really cool baby bottle of rum her parents had at home. Now she knew it was wrong to sneak the bottle but she wanted to show it off to her classmates so after her mom has made her lunch and left the room, she went over and swiped it and hid it in her bag. (According to Mats) But the big part of Mats’ story was that she lied to the teachers when they came around and asked about it. She claimed it wasn’t hers and that was what Mats’ was flabbergasted by. She lied after telling everyone about it because she knew she would get in trouble. Now if the little boy who recognized that rum was alcohol, hadn’t made such a big commotion about it being a bottle of rum, the teacher would never had known that some sort of contraband was being passed around the lunch tables. But when the teacher heard the commotion, she came over to investigate and discovered that the hoopla was not over fruit gushers but a bottle of rum. She took it away from the kids and went to make some phone calls. I can only imagine how interesting the call to the parents would have been that day. This child will forever be referred to as the Rum Smuggler.

When Mats’ told me the story, I had to stop him a couple of times to confirm what I was actually hearing because I couldn’t believe that a five year old actually smuggled rum into an elementary school.

I thought that only happened in high school.